Boys Will Do Boys
by Oratorio
Summary: The Warden is in the Deep Roads with Oghren, Morrigan and Shale. This is the story of what the other companions get up to around the campfire while they are waiting for the Warden to return. They are telling stories about their past, and Alistair learns something new. Rated M for sexytalk. NSFW.


**A/N This is a very short fic which took on a life of its own in the writing, my intention when I started was to write an Alistair/Zev piece, but this is what came out. Nothing like anything I have ever written before, it's just a little silliness. Rated M for talking about sexy situations. I am sure my originally intended fic will appear as a follow up ;o)**

**The Warden is in the Deep Roads with Oghren, Morrigan and Shale. This is the story of what the other companions get up to around the campfire while they are waiting for the Warden to return. They are telling stories about their past, and Alistair learns something new.**

**All characters are owned by Bioware, Maker bless them.**

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"What WOULD the revered mother say if she heard what you got up to?" Alistair was shocked at what Leliana had just revealed to the party as the group sat around the camp fire swapping stories about their past. "I don't even want to KNOW what you did with the bacon afterwards!"

Leliana gave a beatific smile.

"So, my dear Wynne, your turn," Zevran winked at Wynne, cheekily. "Would you mind terribly if I lay my head on your bosom while you are telling your tale, just so I do not miss a thing?"

"I will not tell it at all if you do not keep to yourself!" Wynne shot back, indignantly.

"Ah, such a spoilsport." Zevran sighed and settled back on to his bedroll.

Wynne glared at him before looking into the campfire and thinking back to her early years in the Circle.

"I was a young child when I was first sent away, and I didn't have the usual guidance that parents might give a girl. So when I started to blossom… Zevran, _really_…. I wasn't sure what the feelings were and I was confused. I was a bit of a loner in the Circle and I was a good girl, always did what I was told. So it was natural for me to ask about the… feelings… I was having."

"But chérie, who did you ask?" Leliana was intrigued by Wynne's rare honesty about her past.

Wynne pursed her lips. "Well, you see, I asked the people I saw as being in charge. I asked… a Templar."

"Oh, that's priceless! You asked a TEMPLAR about your sexual cravings?" Leliana was wide eyed with surprise.

"I would hardly call them cravings, my dear girl. Simply, it was something new to me and I wanted to understand, as I did with my magic."

"Go on."

Everyone turned to look at Sten in astonishment. He was sitting, as always, slightly apart from the group but was looking at Wynne intensely.

Zevran poked Leliana in the side. "Sten!" he whispered.

"I know!" Leliana's eyes grew even wider.

Wynne ignored the whisperings and took a deep breath.

"Anyway, I remember telling this young Templar, Ser Yuri, that I was plagued by troubling thoughts and unusual feelings. He had me describe them to him in detail, but he had to sit behind a screen while I did so, in case he were exposed to a demon."

"Reeeeaallly?" Alistair was grinning widely.

"And I remember thinking that the screen might not have been enough, as he was making these terrible grunting noises…"

Everyone, including Wynne, dissolved into helpless laughter.

Zevran was delighted. "You are, as they say, having me on?"

"I wish that I were," Wynne shook her head, smiling.

"Dear Wynne. I hope that someone found a somewhat better way to explain it all to you afterwards. We can hear that story too, yes?"

Wynne blushed a deep shade of red and looked at the floor. "I don't think so."

"Pah. So, who is next? I believe it is our delectable Chantry boy. This I cannot wait to hear."

Alistair cleared his throat. "Well, I don't think I have any such stories to tell. Growing up in the Chantry, you know, it was all very innocent stuff. Friendly. We _were_ all boys, you know."

Zevran raised an eyebrow. "This makes a difference?"

Alistair looked confused. "Of course, you see, no girls. At all. So it was always just us rambunctious boys, being boys, messing about. I used to talk to my friend Rabbie about girls and that, well _I_ talked about them, he was more interested in practising."

"Practising?" Wynne queried. "On what?"

"Well, you see, Rabbie said that girls don't like virgins and they want a real man who knows what he's doing. But as I said there were no girls, so he said we should try and help each other learn so that when we did meet a girl we would know… what went where."

Zevran was grinning wolfishly. "So… just how exactly did he help you learn?"

Alistair blushed furiously. "It sounds bad… now… but he was my friend and he was helping me."

Leliana giggled. "Just tell us, Alistair!"

"Rabbie said a girl's vagina was just basically like a hole, and if we made a hole out of our closed fist, the other could practice putting his… well, you know… in to the hole and pretending it was a girl."

Zevran coughed. Tears were streaming down the assassin's cheeks as he struggled to hold himself together.

There was a silence, broken only by the muffled snortings coming from Leliana and Zevran.

"So, that is…. what you did?" Wynne was almost speechless.

"I was just trying to learn about girls!" Alistair exclaimed indignantly.

"Of course you were, my dear Chantry Boy. All so very innocent, no?" Zevran's eyes were dancing with laughter and he shook his head as he observed Alistair's confusion.

"Like I said, Zev – we were all boys. There was nothing else to it!"

"Alistair. Sweet Alistair, you do realise, do you not, that men can be… let's say… _in love with_ men? Can take another man to bed? Can enjoy the _pleasures of the flesh_ in another man's body?"

Alistair's eyes became as round as saucers.

"Zev! What… what are you talking about? How can that even be possible?"

Leliana groaned and rolled her eyes. "You cannot be serious, Alistair?"

Alistair was growing more flustered as he took in the disbelieving and amused looks on the faces of his companions.

"Maker's Breath. I feel like the greatest fool. I… just… am going to bed now. Um. Can we not talk about this again?"

Zevran chuckled. "Your secret is safe with us, _mi amore_. And if you ever wish to find a more… detailed… answer to your earlier question about possibility, please, do seek me out in my tent." The assassin's eyes gleamed wickedly as Alistair let out a squeak and awkwardly hurried away.

Leliana looked at Zevran.

"Was it my imagination, Zev, or was Alistair moving a little _oddly_ just then?"

"No doubt. That is something I intend to investigate further, my lovely bard," Zevran smiled.


End file.
